I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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