He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
