New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
