the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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