I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
