i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
