Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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