we're blogging at a bar
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
