Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
