I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
