my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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