Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
