Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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