dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
