Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
two words: eviction party
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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