I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
