I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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