Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
