third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
