Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
