i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
