Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
