he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
