babies were throwing up all over the place
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
