i'm signing you up for texting rehab
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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