First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
