the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
