I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
