As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
