so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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