Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
