Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
