Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
