my vag is so smooth its legendary
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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