READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
