I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
