I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
