I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
