remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
