Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
