First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
