Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
