you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
