That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
