Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
