He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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