So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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