remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
