I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just found a bag of teeth...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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