so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
