paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
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