I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
